Saturday, October 3, 2015

Nihilistic Security Questions


  • What is the name of your least favorite child? Cousin Oliver on "The Brady Bunch."
  • In what year did you abandon your dreams? 2193.
  • What is the maiden name of your father’s mistress? Right, like your father only had one.
  • At what age did your childhood pet run away? I think he was three.
  • What was the name of your favorite unpaid internship? Ask Monica Lewinsky, she's the one who held it.
  • In what city did you first experience ennui? I'm not in city limits as I'm answering this question.
  • What is your ex-wife’s newest last name? They all keep mine.
  • What sports team do you fetishize to avoid meaningful discussion with others? The same as all the PC types: The Washington Redskins.
  • What is the name of your favorite canceled TV show? "Firefly."
  • What was the middle name of your first rebound? I never asked.
  • On what street did you lose your childlike sense of wonder? Disneyland's Main Street USA.
  • When did you stop trying? 2193.

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